Water on the Glass Window – A Flash Fiction (140 words)
10.04.09
Image rghts to Micket8stuff
It had been five years since Elmot‘s wife left him. All he had to remember her by was a Charriol white and gold bracelet as an engagement gift. She told him that her love would last forever.
These were the thoughts that preoccupied his mind on his way home one rainy and gloomy evening. He couldn’t move inside the claustrophobic train. It felt like the eve before she left, suffocating and constricting. The memories of their short marriage were deformed traces of water on the glass window, starting to fade. He got out but immediately felt naked; the bracelet was no longer there. When the door closed, it was as if he saw a woman looking at him, holding a glimmering round object in her hand.
The train left with Elmot‘s memory of his adulterous wife. He finally felt free.
About the author: Zorlone
Zorlone, an anagram of my name. A title fitting to this blog of mine. Words are created every time such as blogs created online. This site will showcase thoughts translated into words. Dream. Create. Inspire. Follow me in Twitter @Zorlone or visit me too at 140 Flash Fiction.
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Woah! W0w, this is one cool short fiction bro.
I love the allusions and imagery and symbolism in your story. I could have led to believe that the story is all true and all about me, except that I never feel naked when I go out of the MRT, eheheh!
Elmot,
Di ka ba parang nahubaran kapag lumalabas ka sa siksikan na lugar na yun? Ako parang natanggal ang mga suot ko kapag station ko na e. he he he
Z
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by minnie_madz and Zorlone. Zorlone said: RT @Zorlone: Water on the Glass Window – a Flash Fiction @zorlone http://bit.ly/1aK859 starring @elmot [...]
Ayun, nanakawan si Elmot
At least he felt free from his wife after the ‘snatching’ of the bracelet 
Madz,
Yun na nga ang pakiramdam sa story. medyo naked nga lang sa simula. he he he
Z
Parang gusto ko na ring magFlash without the fiction. LOL.
Doc Z re the mechanics of a flash fiction. How short a flash fiction should be? My maximum word count ba ito?
Jan,
As long as less than 1000 words, pwede flash fiction. Actually, browing Mr. G. helped, found out hat there were stories that were in a form of poetry. E.g. EAP’s Raven. Flash fiction pala yun. he he he. And there are also stories that have exact numbers. This one is exactly 140 words. There are stories with exactly 55 words even less. There is also a 69er version. hehehe
Z
Hhahaha! Actually naalala ko na, parang feeling nahubaran nga, lalo na kapag peak hours, waaaH!
Feeling ko paglabas ko sa MRT medyas na lang natira sakin eh ehehhe!
Elmot,
Ganun na ganun ang pakiramdam kapag rush hour! Hubo’t hubad. LOL
Z
Doc Z, ganun ba ang pakiramdam mo paglabas ng MRT? ‘Yung iba kasi ang pakiramdam napagsamantalahan, he he. Paglabas mo kasi ng MRT sigurado ang plantsado mong polo gusot mayaman na paglabas
Madz,
Di lang napagsamantalahan, nanakawan pa. he he he. Wala nang hiya hiya sa loob ng MRT ano? Kahit anong siksik at anong dikit basta makapasok lang at makarating sa pupuntahan, okay lang.
Z
She cheated on him? Shit! I hate that! Why ever say that it’s forever if it’s not forever???? Shit.
C,
Ah! I share your sentiments. will be experimenting on different themes soon.
Z
chill C ehehehhe!
hala nagalit si C, ayun oh sa itaas ko.
anyway, nice story even it is fiction.. bida si elmot.he he he.;)
@jan
natawa ako sa comment ni jan, gusto mag flash pero without fiction..ha ha ha…si doc z naman ang bida jan.;)
Pareng Ever,
Oo nga, he he he. Teka, ano kayang istorya ang gagawin ni LJ kung ako ang bida? Tapos flash lang. Parang nakikita ko na. LOL Dapat pala unahan ko sya. Ikaw pards, gagawin kitang bida sa next story ko.
Z
You got me there, hehe. I was trying to do the math on how Elmot managed to get married when he was what, 13 or some years old? That would have been dramatic indeed. Flash Fiction – good keyword:)
DiTesco,
Our brother Elmot may look like 13, but he’s not. LOL. He’s actually 30! Am I right Elmot? he he he.
Hey, thanks for dropping by.
Muchas Gracias!
Z
You screwed me Doc, ehehehe!
13?! Wow, so I can be like Carl Ocab by now…eheheh!
Hey, let me correct all the fiction that Doc has stirred here. I am just 14. That is the more proper keyword there , wwhehhehe!
Alright bro Elmot, I concur. You are fourteen. Since we are talking about fiction here. he he he.
Z
I liked the way how you made the flash fiction. But I can’t imagine a naked minor in a train station.
Nice one best bud
Thanks besbud,
Don’t worry, the protagonist in this story is no minor, even if he kept telling us he’s only 14. LOL
Z
Naku, may usapan pala dito, parang GTM ha. Kaya ayaw kong pumupunta sa Manila, lalo na pag sasakay ng MRT or LRT – kung minsan wala ng gentleman. But most of the time, may nagpapa-upo or nag gi-give way naman na gentleman. Siguro dahil matanda na??? he he he. May advantage kung baga.
I love this flash fiction. It fulfilled all the requirements. A colorful, vivid story in less than 1,000 words- record pa- 140? wow~!
Jena,
Sobrang sikip nga talaga ang pagsakay ng MRT at LRT, buti na lang at may mga gentlemen kang nakikita hehehe.
Si elmot ang mas nagpakulay ng story nito.
Z
I forgot, kaya lang pala, si Elmot ang bida? How sad! Siguro Doc Z, happy family man naman sa susunod.
The dark side of writing works out on Doc Z’s writing prowess on this one Mam…
Elmot,
Madami pa akong mga ideas bro. Pero di ko pa sure kung mailalagay ko dito. One at a time lang muna.
Z
Hi Doc Z,
Oh boy! Meron nanaman ako natutunan kay Doc Z. Meron nanaman akong pagaaralan sa blog post na ito! heheheh…. Flash Fiction ha…..hmmm.
You’re a great writer talaga. How I wish I could have the perks in time so that I can study your craft much longer.
Jhong Medina
Jhong,
Madaming mga mas magaling na writer, kita mo sa ilalim, si LJ magaling magsulat yun. Wala pa ako sa kalingkingan nya magsulat. At sa itaas si Jena, come to think of it, most of my readers are superb writers. Di bale pare, Osmosis lang yan, stick with the best and you’ll be one of them too.
Z
@Ever: I’m dying to say friction, but this blog is wholesome eh.
@Doc Z: Do you think I’d name you as yourself as a protagonist? But surely you’d know it even if I named it Ondoy or Pepeng.
@madz: Gusot mayaman? Oy, that’s a new phrase for me ha? I learned something today. What is it ba? LOL
@elmot: Medyas lang natira? Ito naman parang feeling Brad Pitt. Oy, bigla, I remember Ever’s post on Brad Pitt. Ahehehe
@Jhong: It’s easy to write one. Requirements? You need to play badminton, learn to sing Bon Jovi well, and practice capturing emotions on a paper napkin.
hey, hindi Brad Pitt un, Tom Cruise un, with his shades,e ehheheh!
Jan,
I would definitely know that it was me without using my name.
I have this spider sense. LOL
Z
Off topic: Please put subscribe to comments. Or use either Disqus or Echo so we can better follow up on our replies to our comments. “,)
Experimenting on the theme LJ. Right now, I am looking for a way to make this work on my site. If it doesn’t, bye bye Vigilance.
Z
I second the motion , Jan. Tulog na yata si bunsoy.
[...] – “Water on the Glass Window” – Elmot took the train home one rainy evening and found out what had prevented him to move [...]
[...] – “Water on the Glass Window” – Elmot took the train home one rainy evening and found out what had prevented him to move [...]
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