Diary of a Broken Heart
10.15.09
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Dear Diary,
Four years ago, Donna and I planned to get married. It was her dream back then. For me, five years of a worthwhile relationship was enough.
Although petite in her stature, she was beautiful at twenty-four, an apple ripe for the picking. She was blessed with a comfortable work in the corporate world. She had a kindness that flowed out of her voice whenever she spoke. Her eyes would light up while she listened to my every word.
Those were the last memories I have of her.
It was also that year that I got married with my wife, Belinda. She was the opposite of Donna. Tall, aggressive, and gorgeous like a mountain lion who knew what she wanted in life. She wanted me and I wanted her then.
Our love was fruitless, we tried to have children somehow, I felt like I didn’t want to…
It wasn’t just the childless house. My heart was like cherry blossom when it changed its colors with each season.
I knew I wanted to see those expressive eyes again, her voice had always been able to calm the beating of my heart, her touch fulfilled all my passionate dreams. One look inside my soul would reveal my one true love – Donna.
Again and again, I tried to reach her; I sent her e-mails, private messages, SMS, and even tried calling her. She never answered. I knew I hurt her when I told her I fell in love with another woman.
In my last attempt of e-mail, I told her how miserable I was with my married life. I wanted to leave this marriage. She responded with a neutral mail, but that was enough to fuel the flame of my hopeless fire.
I kept e-mailing her repeatedly. She replied, but remained her distance. I somehow convinced myself that she still wanted me.
My wife got suspicious of the e-mails and confronted Donna. In my anger, I almost told her that Donna was my true love. I was so confused, good thing I was able to contain my emotions and kept quiet. I didn’t have the courage to leave her, nor the balls to throw myself at Donna.
That was the last I heard from my college sweetheart.
Donna had dreams. She wanted to have a family with children laughing and playing in the backyard. I could have given her that dream. We would have been happy. I would have made her proud to call me her husband. But I failed in that fateful night I left her.
When Donna returned to the country from a business trip, it was as if she built a fortress around her. Tall, cold, and protective with gates infallibly secured. She never let her guard down, not even for the possibility of finding love.
My heart was tortured everyday I woke up with Belinda. She owned half of what I used to call my heart.
I bled for Donna and the memories we had together. Those sweet eyes were now filled with suspicion, her voice became wary and reserved.
Have I made everyone unhappy?
Was it my fault to fall for another woman and left my one love to live alone?
Four years ago, I thought it was only Donna who dreamed of happiness, I now realized that it was my dream too. Now, it may never come true.
Dear Diary, what do I do now?
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About the author: Zorlone
Zorlone, an anagram of my name. A title fitting to this blog of mine. Words are created every time such as blogs created online. This site will showcase thoughts translated into words. Dream. Create. Inspire. Follow me in Twitter @Zorlone or visit me too at 140 Flash Fiction.
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Lorenzo Bernardino, Lorenzo Bernardino. Lorenzo Bernardino said: Diary of a Broken heart starring @pinoygossipboy http://bit.ly/3CIS4B at @Zorlone [...]
As brutal and cruel as it may seem… I guess, Yes, it is your fault and your own doing as to why you are suffering your current dilemma. I hope you won't mind me asking, Doc, but why the hell did you get married with Ms. Belinda if it's Ms. Donna whom you really love? Is it because you're in love with Belinda then? And if that's the case, did that love suffice to make you jump into the matrimonial bandwagon, only to realize later on that it gave you more sorrow than happiness?
I am sorry Doc… but I simply don't get it.
It's sad to think that people would spend their time, effort, and sacrifices just to build a seemingly perfect and long-lasting relationship just to mess it all up in the end. I am beginning to think that when a relationship is too perfect, it seems to become a fairy tale. And the sad part is that not all fairy tales live happily ever after.
If you ever care to heed my advice, forget about your past and have some mettle in yourself to face today and the future. Your life now is with your wife. That's a fact, how distasteful it may seem to you, and would remain a fact. It''s either you make it work or end it right now.
Seems simple? It is, for me at any rate. But that's me. The true question wouldn't be “could I go on living like this?” but would be more on the lines of “what do I really want?”
The answer to that I'm sure you'd find deep within the recesses of your heart, and when you do, it will all come to you as clear as a sky after a storm.
Good luck Doc Z, and God be with you on your journey in this Life!
Julius,
Thank you for the very apposite comment. I do hope that Aaron would learn from this story and from what you said, “it will come to him as clear as a sky after a storm.”
Z
He he he Julius, got carried away. This is part fiction and part reality for Doc Z, Julius – not all of it is true, but which ones? I guess the good doctor will reveal all these in his own sweet time.
As someone who have been there, I can say that sometimes we fail to recognize the one true love we have until it 's too late. There is in man the propensity to do what maybe daring and dangerous, the call of the wild , you can call it. But we must realize that true love is based on a deep sense of commitment and constant nurturing from both partners.
All the other external attributes fade with time. Lust diminishes with age, likewise with external beauty . If the “love' you have for each other is the result of your raging hormones or on other mundane and transient things, then it's not bound to last long.
I don't blame Aaron though. When one is young, one tends not to heed the good counsel of older people. It's difficult to “see” correctly when one presumes that he/she is madly in love and “smoke gets in his/her eyes.” After sometime though, when the smoke clears, sometimes it's too late to go back.
True love however, develops with shared experiences and deep bonding.
A superb story Z. You should write more of these. Bravo!
nice one pare..san mo nakuha tohh.tru to life ba tlaga toh??hehehe nakakacarried away
I was about to give you my mind, but I see this is fiction. lol
Oh, what the heck…
Don't be selfish! Leave poor Donna alone! When you break somebody's heart you lose the right to have contact with them, or to sap sweet energy from them. You are married. Stay true to your wife and try to work things out. If you can't, get a divorce and then do some soul-searching. Work on your character. It's quite possible that then you might again become appealing to Donna, or another woman who will make your heart sing. Let them come to you.
Aaron just had too much smoke covering his eyes. I am sure that he learned his lesson, Jena.
Chris,
Fiction lang, pero hango sa totoong buhay.
Z
Heather,
I ducked and covered, good thing I'm still agile and fast. I agree with you and the first time I heard this story, I just wanted to beat the life out or Aaron. Of course, I knew better, asked permission to write a story about it here so we can all give our two cents, like what Julius, Jena, and you have.
Thank you!
Z
Heather,
I ducked and covered, good thing I'm still agile and fast. I agree with you and the first time I heard this story, I just wanted to beat the life out or Aaron. Of course, I knew better, asked permission to write a story about it here so we can all give our two cents, like what Julius, Jena, and you have.
Thank you!
Z
Dear Aaron,
Grow up. Stop dreaming. Make you marriage work. You're ruining it. And next time, “be sure to get what you like, or you'll be forced to like what you get.”
Doc Z, the last sentence is for you. hehe.
Novs,
Got that loud and clear. Thanks for the reminder.
Z
i believe that marriage is a bond made in heaven and should not be broken. that confused dude should stop looking at that other girl and focus on his wife Belinda, and try to remember how he fell in love with her in the first place. period.
Amen. Bow.
Hmm, i think I got this feeling of wanting Sega Genesis or Super Nintendo. I end up having both in the long run.
Chill…
There are no regrets doc, only lessons.
I agree with reyjr,
Or, as Erma Bombeck once said, “The grass is always greener over the septic tank.”
Heather beat me to it! What SHE said!
Haha. Thanks mongobread. I remember my Super Nintendo well, and of course, finally beating King Cuppa.
Yes, That should be the only answer. period.
Some of the readers may think of this as fiction, but it's happening in real life. This is happening due to early marriages and impulsive decision making. If you really wanted to tie the knot you must think of it 10times before coming to that decision.
Anyways, great post Doc Z!
this is good Z… laging nasa huli ang pagsisisi.
LOLZ. You really sound convincing doc! Like others here, I really thought this one is real.
And like @jhongmed had said – this happen in real life.
If this story were real, I would tell the guy to follow his heart (I am with the “western” type of thinking). If he finds it in his heart that he doesn't really, truly, madly want his wife then he should let go of his marriage and go after the girl that he wants.
But, Donna that he wants doesn't want him anymore – probably hurt by what Aaron did.
Now Aaron just have to give up the chase and go back to his wife and at least establish friendship/partnership for life. Or just leave his wife legally and go find love elsewhere!
Common sense dictates Aaron should have chosen Donna as his wife. “Haste makes waste” seemingly apply to this story.
Moral lesson: Don't trust anyone that moos or baaaahs. Love-sick cows mean nothing.
This reminded of an activity in psychology class. We're presented with a problematical story. And students reacted differently, each according to his own value system or lack of it, as to the matter of who was to blame.
“It's the woman's fault – she has not virtuous.” “No, men are not to be trusted. Rapacious creatures.” “It's fate. It's meant to be.” Etc, etc.
So, I guess, everybody's got a point. Even Julius who took this story a little too seriously made me break into a wide grin. Go, Julius!
Off-topic question: Why is Aaron hyper-linked?
You are right Reyjr, We share the same sentiments. This predicament just a bit to complicated, since Aaron actually made it that way. It would still be him who makes the decision and I hope he found out the right thing to do.
Z
You are right Reyjr, We share the same sentiments. This predicament just a bit to complicated, since Aaron actually made it that way. It would still be him who makes the decision and I hope he found out the right thing to do.
Z
Mongobread,
Ah.. You can always have two cool toys, but people, we don't have the luxury to have them both.
Yeah, there are lessons learned from this scenario bro.
Z
Hey Holly,
Yeah! Heather made her point pretty well.
Z
Jhong,
Thanks! This story was inspired by true events. There were some parts that were added and I think in real life, the product of these scenarios are broken families.
Yeah, I bet thinking about it more and weighing the right decisions and sticking with them are the foundations to a happy marriage, I theory of course.
Z
Jhong,
Thanks! This story was inspired by true events. There were some parts that were added and I think in real life, the product of these scenarios are broken families.
Yeah, I bet thinking about it more and weighing the right decisions and sticking with them are the foundations to a happy marriage, I theory of course.
Z
Thanks Mae,
I hope to make one like this, but will be working on that story we talked about first.
Z
Well said Gem,
Aaron should have chosen Donna in the first place, but at the last minute, he had to change his mind. I guess he thought he made the right choice then, but when he noticed that their relationship started to deteriorate, he must have wanted to go back to Donna.
It's like running a knife through a scar then rubbing it with salt. Ouch!
Z
Jan,
Unfortunately, these cows mooo too well that you get infected by their love-sickness. Should have called the love doctor first, huh?
Pretty good analogy of the Psychology activity in class. I hope this could be used as an actual example in a classroom full of young minds thinking of what ifs and what should have beens. Maybe, the discussions would last more than an class period. he he he.
Sir Jan, when you think of teaching a class, please feel free to use some of my materials. LOL (Wishful thinking)
I wanted to use Aaron as the character to this story so I linked him. First thing he said, “I have never been in a relationship!” Oh well…
Z
Sure, Doc Z. I'd link to your flash fiction and might even cite excerpts.
Haven't you noticed the blogosphere is our classroom now? Ahehehe….Jai
Ho, Jai Lo, please lose the Sir Jan. You're making me uncomfortable.
“pretty well”? Wait till Heather reads that! LOL – them's fightin' words! Next time, try “exceptionally well.” And give her a jellyfish.
I just picked up on the part about the classroom setting. he he he. So, it's appropriate to say “Sir” to you. If ever you'd conduct this topic in class. But, knowing me, I'd be the first person to call you in your first name in front of your class, not to disrespect of course, but because of the familiarity of friends.
Z
What was I saying? I must be out of my mind to even think that “pretty well” would suffice such an excellently written point.
I have high respects from my visitors who have actually been married and have families of their own, you guys are the authority in this issue. I can only form my theories, other than than, I'd be sitting on the bleachers and watch as the story unfolds.
Thanks Holly for the nudge, it is always a pleasure.
Z
BTW, did you mean, jello shots or the literal jellyfish? he he he
The former would ease the sting of the latter, don't you think? Heather introduced me to the term “jellyfished” yesterday. See http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=21619980981
Ah… Thanks! That made it more clear. he he he.
Z
Round 2: It's appropriate in the sense that I'm older, but not because I'm
wiser. It's appropriate if you want to spook me. See, it's advisable to
stick to what works, unless of course you choose to put up a picket fence
between us. Ahehehe
Ha ha ha! That's why I ended my comment with “friends”
Thanks LJ!
Z
Good to hear. I'll put that in my diary, “Alarms bells went up when a close
friend started calling me Sir Jan.”
Closing lines of the same entry reads, “Lesson learned: Semantics is fine.
Don't read too much though in speech and written words. Sometimes, words
are just words. Know the difference, Sir Jan!”
LOL. I have too much time on my hands. “,)
What's this ha, Wali? Kanina pa kayo ah. Awat na…he he he
Wah! What happened to my comment? Na remove?
Yikes!
Sorry Reyjr., I was trying to remove my own comment then the internet got disconnected. I didn't know that yours was deleted until this morning.
Z
Aaron should have chosen Donna right from the start. My gosh, bakit kasi sya nagpakasal sa iba?
“My heart was tortured everyday I woke up with Belinda” You deserve it Aaron. You chose her over Donna in the first place. So leave Donna alone, she doesn't deserve you.
Thanks Amor,
I agree with you. It's time for Aaron to accept his decisions and try to make the most out of it.
Z
[...] – “Diary of a Broken Heart” – A glimpse of an entry in a diary of a man, who once found the love of his [...]
Oh my Doc Z, mga lalake talaga, ha ha ha! He should have been faithful to Donna in the first place. And I believe Donna does not want to break a family. Too bad, tsk tsk tsk.
Well said Madz,
You are right, Donna should have been the priority and not just a feel good partner. What did I just say, well, anyway, this guy doesn’t know what he really wanted.
::sighs::
Z